THE SECRET BEHIND KEEPING SECRETS

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Picture source:google

Secrets are a fact of life. We all have secrets. The challenge most times is keeping them. When a friend tells us something in confidence, it’s because he/she trusts us enough to listen and also to keep our mouths shut. And what happens when we don’t?. Trust is lost. The relationship is destroyed. We need to be careful in revealing a secret about someone, as a person’s health and safety might be at risk.

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Picture source :google

Why do we keep secrets? Some of us worry that if a certain information is known, we will be judged or someone might use it against us. But it’s so hard to keep a secret that it sometimes causes stress. In really worst cases, it could lead to short term mental health illnesses. This is why some people share it with others. Asides that, the other person may have an opportunity to help you in the way you least expect.

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Picture source :google

Most people have at least a friend or two they rely on enough to trust with any secret. This means that the other people also have someone they trust to tell their secret…and the circle continues round people who trust each other not to retell the secret.

Revealing a person’s secret could be both harmful and unharmful. It all depends on the nature of the secret being told. For instance, if you planned a surprise birthday party for a friend, and it got out to the person before the due date, this might not necessarily cause harm to anyone. On the other hand, if a secret about a friend or family member, concerning his or her health or safety ;drug-related, sex life, an abortion, is told, this could cause the person pain. The person would be left feeling either scared, uncomfortable, sad or angry.

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Picture source :google

How then can one do the trustworthy thing of keeping such piece of information? There are some simple rules to live by for you to do this. They may not work it out entirely, but it is sure to help you get through the process.

Keeping someone else’s secrets:
Try to know how serious the secret is before hearing it. Find out if it’s “little” or “big”. This lets you know how important it is that you keep the secret. Make sure you give undivided attention to the person sharing the secret. Ask how long you must keep it. Find out if you are allowed to share with others; your partner or siblings. Don’t bring up related topics in a conversation as you might be tempted to tell the second. If possible, change the conversation. Do this casually so the other person doesn’t notice that you are hiding something. Act like you don’t know anything or better still, be honest about it, even if you admit you know something, let them know you are not sharing. If you know you are really bad at secrets, stop the person from telling you. The person in turn will appreciate your honesty.

Keeping your own secrets:
Decide how long you want to keep it a secret. It depends on the type of secret. Some secrets have end points or deadlines, e.g, a pregnancy or a Christmas gift. Others might not have end points, and you will have to decide when you are ready to tell people. If you feel emotionally worn out by the secret, try waiting for a brief period of time before you tell. You may regret telling it immediately. Giving yourself a few days to think it through can help you to not only calm down, but also make rational decisions about when and who to tell it to. If it’s a serious secret, make out a plan as to when you are going to tell. This includes setting out a time and place. This gives an uninterrupted time to talk and discuss the secret alone.

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Picture source :google

What if you tell a friend’s secrets?
APOLOGIZE!. Do this whole heartedly. Even if you’re being yelled at, remain calm. Accept the blame and say you are sorry. Most importantly learn from the mistake.

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Picture source :teenagersposts.com

Keeping secrets, especially for a long time could provide stress or affect you psychologically. It can cause you to worry, which leads to headaches. Worse still, your relationship with others might be affected. To prevent this, stay busy doing other things. It stops you from constantly thinking about the secret. And if you must tell someone your secret, be sure to choose the right person. Most importantly, to avoid stress, say no to secrets.

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REMEMBER TO BE A GOOD FRIEND 😀

References:
beinggirl. com
wikihow. com

#let’stalkwithellie

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