No one knows what you have been through or what your pretty little eyes have seen, but I can reassure you- whatever you have conquered, it shines through your mind.

                                              Nikki Rowe

Photo source: @rovingheights

TITLE: On Becoming

AUTHOR: Toke Makinwa

TYPE: Non-Fiction

GENRE: Memoir

PUBLISHER: Kachifo Limited


FORMAT: e-book


ISBN: 978-978-54604-0-7


On Becoming by Toke Makinwa is a book that tells a true life story of the author. It gives account of a rather tragic tale of how she (Toke) lost everything of value to her, from her parents to her long time boyfriend; later turned husband, to even herself. But through her loss (which was a life changing event for her) she learnt about herself and life. And this made her strive to become more and better than she had been in the past. It is for this reason Toke shares her story to serve as an aid and source of inspiration to those who might be going through or must have gone through similar pain.

Below are 11 lessons I put together as sourced from the book:


 Life would always take care of itself. Work hard, put in good effort in all that you do, but try not to get too caught up by what results may bring. Eliminate troubling thoughts about the future, because eventually things will fall into place.


The act of fear destroys. It destroys basically everything about our lives including ourselves. Unnecessary fear builds up insecurities, which if care isn’t taken might eat deep into our souls and in turn affect our personal functioning.


 You’ll hear stories. People would give all sorts of advice. But it’s left to you to decide on which to take in and which to discard. Yes, they’re your friends, but not all of them have your best interests at heart. Some, especially those already damaged will do anything to destroy you as well. Remember. advice is cheap.


If it’s not doing you any good, then allow yourself break free. We shouldn’t hold onto things that stop us from living life to the fullest, be it a job, friend, lover or even thoughts. Learn to let go and watch yourself experience great freedom.


We all have them. No one is without a scar. Not all mishappenings are always as a result of the next person’s actions. Some of the faults might have come from your end. Examine yourself…


Communication is essential in all our dealings with people. It’s important to keep an open mind and be willing to share our problems with others just as they do with us. Engaging in such discussions would help you discover a thing or two about yourself as well as your problem. Most importantly, communication builds trust.

7.OPINIONS: Everyone likes to give one, even when they aren’t so versed such areas. But unless it’s a constructive one, the opinions of others shouldn’t count. Most people, claim to know what’s best for others whereas such people are yet to figure out what’s good for them.

8.PAIN: Pain is an inevitable aspect of life. Yet so many try to avoid it by all means. It’s advisable to allow yourself experience pain once in a while. Truth is, most pain related experiences are usually life lessons, they come our way to prepare us for the next phase. And when we refuse to partake in such lessons, we miss out on important details. This leaves us uninformed and without any idea on how to go about the next stage. Thus, we remain in the same spot for a long time, not learning…not growing.

9.FAMILY: After all said and done, these are the people who end up having our backs the most. They are the ones who truly understand our weaknesses and honestly accept them. Sometimes when we are blind to it, they are the first ones to notice a budding problem and call our attention to it. But as certain mistakes are bound to occur, we put on deaf ears, before we know our little problem grows bigger and turns out mightier than we alone can handle. At this point, we notice people starting to withdraw, friends turning their backs. Eventually we are left with no one else to turn to but family.

10.BALANCE: As humans, we’ve been specially designed to be able to carry out numerous tasks. This is a unique gift to us.But then, we must ensure that in carrying out these tasks things are put in balance. Every area of our lives should receive equal treatment, one aspect shouldn’t be left to suffer and crumble just because we’ve decided to give more attention to another. Our lives can be likened to an organisation, if a section of the organisation isn’t performing as expected it affects other sections hence, leading to the fall of such an organisation. Balance gives room for us living steady lives.

11.PRAY: When all else fails, then find time to communicate with the one who has placed you here. Express yourself freely, pour it all out to Him. Pray and communicate in faith that He hears your voice and trust that He’ll give answers to your call.


Read the book On Becoming by Toke Makinwa and want to share your thoughts with us, please feel free to do so in the comment section provided below. 




  1. theanonymouscherif · December 5, 2016

    I haven’t read the book and I nurse no intentions of doing so(personal standards and opinion polls review).That leaves me unqualified to say anything about it.That stated,i think this listicle has a mix of both the writer’s and author’s opinions;hardly divorcable too,though you promised that of the author’s at the beginning.Propably yours resonate with hers.

    Well written Ella.Keep writing.

    -From your faceless pen pal

    Liked by 1 person

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